Long forgotten Valentine

I sit with no fortitude, without motivation
I sit gazing off desperately trying
to drive your presence from my mind.
You linger here still
it is an ill feeling, reverse butterflies in my gut.
I am lost amidst the words of my longing heart
I am lost to you now
Just a fading memory of flesh
my eyes you do not see
nor can you smell or taste
you've chosen to foresake,
and I chose to stay in this grave.
I am in too deep, I have no way out
your image in my head my only company.
What a strange thing humans are
what a world this is
that we know not fate when it walks in a room
as two gazes meet,
a simple girl in a red coat
and words are exchanged.
The beginning of something meant to be
two people meet under a warm Sunday sun
but it slowly turned sour as you doubt destiny.
I reach up to the breeze above
look up, and even the stars remind me of you.
My stomach turns, and I wish for the first time
I wish I could forget you.
Rejection digs deep
my bones weaken, I slump into the corner
head in hands, trembling
and I wonder...
do you think of me?
Do you know you have given up destiny?
I carry you with me.
Some day I will die, I will be laid to rest
dust and bones and brittle flesh
and you won't even know,
God has carried me home.
But will I rest in peace,
as you are somewhere out there smiling
oblivious to my ending
knowing not why you gave up
knowing not why I was never enough
when you were everything to me.
You say it wasn't meant to be,
but I beg to differ
circumstances change and challenge
but I never gave up.
We met that Sunday for the first time
and if you think of that moment
you will see why I hold on to your side.
To me you are sunshine and light
a ray of hope, a butterfly in my stomach
I had prayed for a sign, an answer
for months and many nights
and then you came.
But we see things differently.
I see you for you, without condition
and you see me as a mistake.
Remember, think, of the times in your arms
of the times you were inside
of the times you let fate carry you away.
And I crumble because I will always wonder
was any of it real
and if so, then why stop here.
Why am I broken, and tormented,
and missing you.
Why am I as good as dead,
that girl in red
who made you nervous and comfortable
....
because you fear.